Walking through the mall today, it finally dawned on me.
I was disappointed in the first Twilight movie. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the reason I didn’t like it was simply because I am a guy. It wasn’t a traditional vampire thriller. It was- for lack of a better term- a chick flick.
I have always been a big fan of the vampire/werewolf/mummy genre. With a wee degree of shame, I must admit that Anne Rice’s “Interview with a Vampire” is one of my favorites. Although it delved more intriguingly into the moral struggles of a vampire than your traditional Bela Lugosi or Bram Stoker fare, it was ripe with fear, suspense, blood, and the macabre to satisfy my testosterone.
The Twilight series has turned the classic guy movie into a modern day chick flick. And today, while Christmas shopping in the mall, it finally hit me… I feel robbed.
I heart vampires t-shirts are everywhere!
Why?!
Because they are frightening creatures of the night that horrifically feed on the blood of unsuspecting saps? No! It’s because they are bare-chested and buff creatures of the night that are in touch with their feminine side and are more interested in romance than pillaging.
Ok, I’ll admit it: The Notebook made me cry (but then again, so did Forrest Gump). Chick flicks are supposed to do that. I rather enjoyed Father of the Bride, Pretty Woman, and Sleepless in Seattle, but I knew what I was in for… a movie that- as advertised- played on the heartstrings. But Twilight is a strange, unholy mixture of Titanic meets The Lost Boys.
We’re not supposed to leave a vampire movie lustily admiring the integrity and character of the undead! A good vampire film has us all fearfully going home stringing together garlic necklaces and whittling wooden stakes from broomsticks.
Twilight has successfully stolen the lore, turning our youthful monsters into dreamy heroes.
Once upon a time, a young man would lose himself for a few theatric hours engaged in an epic battle vicariously struggling for the life and love of the damsel in distress. Good was good. Evil was evil. Today, we love the vampires. They are the lovers and the protectors… and suddenly we vampire slayers? We’re the bad guys!
So, I’m left to wonder- as Paula Cole once sang- “Where is my John Wayne? Where is my prairie song? Where is my happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?”
Or vampires…
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